If and when I can clear myself of this clouded mind...

Well, it's February, my least favorite month of the year. Wow, that is horrible way to start any sort of thing someone else might read. It's just that February has Valentine's Day, which is the worst holiday ever invented for several reasons.

1) It's entirely made up. There is a St. Valentine but as far as I know he didn't really do anything on February 14. Valentine's Day is a multi-billion dollar holiday, about nothing.

2) We don't get off of school.

3) If you don't have a significant other in your life, what are you supposed to do on February 14? It's not that I'm bitter, although I guess I sort of sound like I am. For the most part, I really am happy for people who have someone else. I just think we should have a day when we celebrate single people.

4) Everything is pink, red, and white. Two colors and white is not enough to create a pleasing color scheme, especially since pink and red are similar.

Also, February is the part in third quarter when the work gets hard and I have stuff going on and I get stressed and it's never fun. There are other reasons why I don't like it but I don't see much point in explaining them. Hating on an entire month is pretty ridiculous. It can't answer me with a clever comeback and it can't throw something at me. Also, no matter how much I say, it's not going to change February.

However, this year, February could be better because I have enjoyable stuff going on. Motion City Soundtrack Concert is on the 16. Less than a week away! The baritone party is the day after which is going to be insane. I'm not even kidding, it's the craziest idea anyone ever had. It could be the worst party ever, or it could be really fun. But for sure, there will be pizza and really good music and people that I enjoy being around, so that's really all you need for a good party anyways.

So, I have to mention a couple things before I forget them, because I've been doing that quite a bit lately, forgetting I mean. Last week Thursday I went to Timber Creek with Sydnie after school and baritone practice. We had a really good time. I think we were there for almost three hours which I'm sure annoyed every person working there which I feel bad about but we had a good time. We talked about all kinds of crazy stuff and some really important stuff and it was awesome. So we left and then I realized that I didn't have to be back for pep band for another hour so we went into this hardware store that's down the street from Timber Creek. We were looking at paint samples and the store owner was on the phone. Then he got off the phone and he was like, "Can I help you because actually we're closed." So then, we left really quickly. The door was open and the sign said open but they were closed. I love that hardware store though, it has really random stuff. Then we walked across the street to Commons Park and sat in the gazebo and talked about some more stuff and it was very... refreshing I suppose would be the best word for it.

Shoot, I forgot what the other thing was. Oh yeah, today I finished reading this really insane book. "The Cider House Rules" I don't really recommend it, but I really enjoyed it. That sounds strange. You have to be a specific kind of person to appreciate it. It's not something you would just decide to read unless someone told you to and it's not a light read either. It's 552 pages long and some of it sort of makes you feel sick because it's talking about abortion and it gets pretty detailed which is really grose. That's mostly in the beginning though where it's grose. It just was really, I don't know how to put it, I guess, upsetting and enlightening at the same time. It was a really complex story which I like. It didn't change my views on anything but I definately think that it made me more resolved towards a lot of issues. If you really care, I can explain it better later. I just finished it today so it hasn't really had time to sink in.

I've been thinking about that whole not feeling like I'm doing anything of value and I still haven't arrived at answer. Maybe I should go on a mission trip, but I kind of feel like if I do that it should be out of fervor for my faith, not because I'm trying to find that fervor. I don't know. I need help with that. A lot of people have Camp Philip and that's sort of their thing and they love it. I don't think I have ever talked to anyone who didn't enjoy Camp Philip but I've never been there ao I don't really have that support system that they have. I suppose I will just have to wait and see what happens.

If and when I can

clear myself of this clouded mind

I'll watch myself settle down

into a place where peace can search me out

and find

that I'm so ready to be found

Relient K is so great.